Daily Laff - Jokes Of The Day

Joke #1
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."

Joke #2
A guy goes in to see a psychiatrist. He says, "Doc, I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"

Joke #3
Jimmy and Kathy are newlyweds in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night, and Kathy's in the bathroom. As Jimmy's getting undressed he says to himself, "How am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the world's smelliest feet?" Then he throws his socks under the bed. Kathy walks out of the bathroom, and, too chicken to face her, Jimmy runs past her and he goes into the bathroom. Kathy sits on the edge of the bed and says to herself, How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my new husband that I have the world's worst breath? I've got to tell him." Just then Jimmy walks out of the bathroom. Kathy runs up to him, gives him a huge wet kiss, pulls back and says, "Honey, I've got to tell you something." Jimmy says, "Yeah, I know. You just ate my socks."

Joke #4
A guy's walking down the street and meets a friend of his. "How you doing," says the friend. "Great," says the other, "I just bought a new hearing aid for $50". "That's a great deal. What kind is it?" He says, "Quarter past four".

Joke #5
During an FAA investigation of a plane that landed perpendicular to the runway, the baffled investigator asked the pilot if he could shed any light on the incident. "No," he replied, " but I do have a question. Why do you people make the runways so short and so wide?"